Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
