Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
