im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
