Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
