I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize