Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
