When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
