You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
