Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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