I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize