Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
