I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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