No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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