drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
