Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
