some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
