Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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