Jerry, you need to find god
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
