bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
