Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
