I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
