For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
