what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
