Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
