:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
