Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
