Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
