Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
