In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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