He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
