I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
