Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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