Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
