her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
