I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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