69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
