ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
