I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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