he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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