Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
