I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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