I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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