Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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