Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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