There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Success! We fucked roommates!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
