***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She bit a glass in half.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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