to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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