what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
