I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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