I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize