can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
