Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
