i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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