Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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