so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
