At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This gyro tastes like lonliness
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
