pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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