Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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