Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
