that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize