When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Who died my cat blue again?
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