apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
