I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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