Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
