I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
