hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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