Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
