so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize