i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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