Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Shame - the story of my life.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
