You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize