this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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