Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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