I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize