the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
