i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize